5 Promises to Make During Dark Times

For this week’s group in drug rehab, I have chosen songs on the theme of asking for help: a foundational skill for recovering addicts, parents, and anyone trying to assemble IKEA furniture.

I pass out the lyrics to “Stand by Me” by Ben E. King. The room joins me and starts to belt out,

“No I won’t be afraid

No I won’t be afraid”

I feel conflicted. On one hand, the words are invigorating. It’s like when you finally eat a salad after having nothing but sugar-coated regret for the entire month of December.

My inner thoughts have been so doomsday, that saying something powerful feels foreign and healthy.

But on the other hand, how can I sit here with my clients and vow to “not be afraid”, in this smoldering ruin of a decade? That’s like promising to wake up earlier or keep my car clean.

Of course, I recognize that fear is only helpful if it pushes us towards wisdom or effective action— and approximately 1% of mine is about anything I can even remotely control.

But also, how can any mother/person turn on the news and not fall into the Well of Worst-Case Scenarios?

If the body keeps the score, then mine is a rigged casino where the house (aka anxiety) always wins.

I don’t know if I can promise to not be afraid—and I certainly won’t be swearing off crying (per verse 2.)

But maybe my ideal oath would look more like this:

I won’t be rooted in fear, when I was made to move.

I won’t barter my joy for the sweet delusion of control that worrying provides.

I will turn to creativity and action as the antidotes to anxiety

I will let hope stand beside caution, not behind it.

And when the land is dark:

I will look for light, connect with light bearers, channel light,

and bring it with me– to work, my home, conversations and moments of catastrophizing… into the corners of my mind. To the shadowy underbelly of “us vs. them,” or the silence that grows where empathy should be.

For as the old adage goes, “It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.”

(Though I do enjoy cursing, and I plan on doing both 🙂).